Okay, so this one doesn't have the same cute factor as the last one. I find it (and the series it comes from) hilarious, and they're at least joking about being cute. So I'm grandfathering it in.
Besides, with what I'll be talking about, I need a dose of funny.
You see, I've been watching Kage Kara Mamoru, and I don't know why. Under normal circumstances, I'd call it a guilty pleasure and be done with it. But "guilty pleasure" covers things like ice cream, bacon cheeseburgers and trashy TV talk shows. You know, things you know are bad for you, but you do them anyway in a moment of weakness because you just can't help yourself.
KageMamo? It's like stealing a rib separator from the hospital, using it on yourself and filling your chest cavity with a spicy little homebrew concoction of lye, gasoline and your own urine. It takes a special kind of premeditated masochism to watch this show, and I'll tell you why.
KageMamo is, above all things, STUPID. And it's not just the main characters. The female lead is an idiot, sure. She needs to borrow other people's hands to count past 10, and she'll buy just about any explanation you feed her. Sure.
Mamoru, the main character, is secretly a ninja dedicated to protecting her family? Sure. I can accept that, too. Heck, the word "ninja" is what first made me watch the series anyway. And, since the main girl is so dumb, I guess I can buy the fact that she hasn't noticed the ninja living next door for her entire life.
But then the stupidity just keeps piling on, adding cliche after cliche after mind-numbingly stupid development. There's the samurai girl whose sword can cut anything but Nata de Coco. There's the Iga/Koga ninja clan... sports festival. There's the song that is just the word "banana" over and over again.
Compared to the vast stupidities the show offers, the usual "All the girls like the guy, guy is too thickheaded to notice" cliche--which, I feel obligated to mention, is well-represented in the show in all the classic ways--is a mere drop in the bucket of moronitude (is moronitude even a word? Has this show sucked out my language centers and caused me to create new words to describe its stupidacity?) that is the KageMamo package. I mean, I have lost brain cells to this show and not just to brain death. I think that as I was watching the talent show episode, I heard my brain cells calling their agents and jumping ship to Hollywood, so at least they'd have some cocaine before their inevitably horrible death.
Were this a Newtype review or an old GamePro preview, I'd laugh off the flaws and look for something good to say, like "hey, it has ninjas!" or... uh... "hey, it has ninjas!" Alternately, I'd make some sort of pithy, punny comment that was something like "If you're absolutely shuriken that you want some ninja action in your life" or... "hey, it has ninjas!" But, no, the closest thing I can come to that for this show is "If you enjoy driving nails into wood with your forehead, you'll LOVE KageMamo". And that's the kind version.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have episode 11 to watch. I think they go into an underground maze searching for an ancient treasure in this one. A treasure guarded by ninja mole men.
I must really hate myself.